Hey, I'm behind on my project anyway. So, I'm just going to drop a bomb on about 20 people today, both to get caught up, and potentially to unclutter this ridiculous new news feed.
1. You'd be thrilled to be an extra on Jersey Shore. Jersey Shore wouldn't have you. Not visiting Long Beach ever, so, we're officially out of touch. For good. No, really. For GOOD!
2. We used to be housemates for a time in college. We barely spoke then, in person, under the same roof. Things really got awkward after you caught your boyfriend hooking up with our other (male) housemate. Not that I have any problem with that. But being that it's really the ONLY personal detail I know about your life, well... can't really call that a friendship. But it was neat to find you, across the country, after all this time.
3. We hung out in the library during study halls for one semester of one year of high school. You were a jock, and acted like an ass, and it was funny. Then. Now it's just kind of sad that your sense of humor hasn't matured at all. You're a serviceman, and I thank you for that! Best luck to you, hope you don't get deployed again.
4. Nice, funny guy. One of "my" employees in Boulder, CO. We both like Phish, and are from the northeast. I haven't lived in CO for six years. We haven't been in contact since.
5. Elementary school art teacher. "Hey, remember that time I made a pinch pot and put ears on it like a dog? Yeah.... That was great...." *crickets*
6. Your mom babysat me in 3rd grade. I got in trouble because one of the other kids taught me about french kissing (with dolls) and I passed that information on to one of the other kids. I thought it was totally gross and fascinating. Jeez, why'd the adults all freak out? Watching Thundercats was fun. And... that's about the extent of it.
7. We're friends because you're sort-of-but-not-really related to my husband. And really not related to me. I don't even think that you and he are friends. You still call things that you don't like "gay" and referred to your wife as "sugar tits" on your public anniversary message to her. Maybe it's just an inside joke, but don't forget that not everybody is on the "inside." Therefore it just makes you look like an asshole.
8. Dude, you don't keep in touch with ANYBODY. And last I heard, you were mad at me for not dating you before I started dating my husband. (?!?) That's just weird. Maybe I'll see you again. I'll just keep an eye out for the guy who looks just like David Cross.
9. My friend from high school's girlfriend. I gave you money for a charity. I don't feel like you "owe" me a pseudo-friendship because of it. I was glad to do it. You live a few hours away... maybe we'll actually meet in person sometime. THEN we'll revisit this "friends" business!
10. Rockin' out on the keys in E-town. Maybe I'll see you there. But probably not.
11. Your extended family is "family" with my extended family. You use this as a business/advertising platform, and have almost 3000 friends. Neither of us will be missed.
12. Your divorce/custody battle posts have brought soap-opera drama to my news feed. But I don't really know anyone involved, and would hate to have near-strangers so knowledgeable of my personal life. I hope it all works out for you. Were we in the same grade? I don't really remember....
13. Dad of a friend of my long-deceased brother. Friended you to try to get in touch with your son. Avid Frontierville gamer. Dead-end Basefook friend!
14. Much older sister of someone I'd like to keep in touch with. I assume I'll find out any of your important news from her, since you and I are not *really* friends....
15. We live in the same town. We have some mutual friends. But we haven't even bumped into each other in many years. And probably wouldn't recognize each other if we did. Unless, of course, we recognized each others' children. In fact, we probably wouldn't know each others names if we didn't see them in print here. We'd just be "so-and-so's mom."
16. You lived down the street from my childhood home. And... that's it!
17. You know how you can click on "See Friendship" and see all of your interactions, and sometimes there's nothing there? Yeah, that. I guess the old cheerleading posse has little to say beyond "Go Team!"
18. G McC is the biggest asshole I've ever met in my life. I know he was from my current state -- if I ever saw him broken down on the side of the road, I'd hit him before I'd stop to help him. While you might be a decent person, I can't help but to associate you with him.
19. I still have a drawing that you did 17 years ago when you were stoned every day, and living in a hippie flop-house. It's pretty good. But a whole lot cooler when you're stoned!
20. And finally... *crickets* again where the "See friendship" should be. All of our mutual friends will probably eventually be deleted too.
Wahoo! I'm down to below 300! Solidly! Only 190 left to cut! Sigh... this will take a while....
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