I have a love-hate relationship with social media.
I also have a little bit of OCD, which is mainly where the "hate" part of that relationship comes in. I'm having my second cup of coffee, I'm online, and I want to send off a quick note to confirm plans with a real-life-I-actually-see-this-person-in-the-flesh friend. As long as I'm checking in, I might as well scroll down, and check out everything I've missed today, right? And I see that so-and-so has had her baby, so I feel obliged to send out a quick congratulations. And then my old housemate posted a picture -- that in the thumbnail size looks like one of our other housemates that I've lost touch with -- but when I click on it, it turns out to be her uncle Seymour, whom I've never met. Five of my friends have said "happy birthday" to a former co-worker, which reminds me that he sent me a shout-out on my birthday, so I really should reciprocate. A guy I dated in middle school posted a YouTube video that I've seen before, but love. That dog makes me laugh every time! My second-cousin's husband posted what he had for lunch... lunch?!?!? Fuuuuuu... there goes my morning. How much time did I just waste?
The kicker? I'm going to get sucked into this same pattern later on today. Guaranteed.
And I don't even play Farmville.
That's the paradox of the evil Basefook empire (which is, of course, a completely fictional social media platform, and is in no way based on a REAL account, nudgenudgewinkwink); in my misguided attempt to stay connected with all of the people that I have known and have loved, all of those faces from my past, I'm limiting my interaction with the real world. My kids are watching cartoons while I take an extra twenty... thirty... forty minutes to scroll down through the page. I'm not even really sharing any information anymore, I'm using this time to read about other people who have absolutely no bearing on my here and now. I know, I could just STOP. Cold turkey. Pull the plug. And believe me, I've tried. But that sweet, sweet draw of all of your personal drama just sucks me right back in.
So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go.
Now, if you're going to be touchy about it, you can go ahead and delete me in a huff right now. But the reality is this: you live in Idaho, I live in Austin, and I'm sure as shit not going to travel to Idaho anytime soon. Yes, we shared a mutual disdain for public school hot lunch pizza in the third grade, but I can't justify that as a reason to read your status updates for the rest of my life.
Nor should you be subjected to mine. Remember, this works both ways!
So, starting right now, I'm going to delete one person a day, ruthlessly, unflinchingly, until I get my network down to practical and meaningful size. We'll say 100 people, although we'll revisit that later. That seems fair, and more than adequate. At the start, this will be simple. In fact, the first few dozen to go will surely be blissfully unaware that they've been eliminated, as we've NEVER interacted beyond that initial friend request.
When my "friend" tally declines, this will get harder and harder, but someone's got to say "enough is enough!"
As you go, I will bid each of you adieu, right here on PISSS. (No, that was not an intentional acronym, I'm just as surprised as you are, reading it for the first time.) And will post links on my Basefook page to remind you to check in from time to time, and maybe even try to guess who is the day's elimination, based on any knowledge you have of my past or on our collective experiences.
But you might want to subscribe...
Because IF and WHEN it's your turn to go, you won't be seeing those links anymore!
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